The Balance of Emotional Regulation…
A Letter From A Therapist: Issue 6
What does it mean to be “emotionally regulated”? This is a very common (and valid) goal of both therapy and daily life. Before we think about what it’s like to be emotionally regulated, lets consider some examples of the opposite. If you reminisce on some of the most difficult days of your life, more likely than not emotional intensity was a large part of the experience (whether it was caused by something experiential or not). Whatever had transpired during that day, it resulted in you feeling upset, disturbed, irritated, or distressed. What are some primary examples of emotional deregulation? Sadness, stress, anger, and grief can all be examples that many of us can relate to far too well and frequently. When we find that these emotions build and flood us, we know that they are vastly unavoidable and necessary to address. Some individuals are also predisposed in a way that these persistent developments can progress into clinical conditions that impair various psychosocial factors such as their relationships, vocations, and health.
If we consider healthy negative emotions, we need to remember the facts of a balanced reality. A positive experience cannot exist in a reality that doesn’t also include negative experiences. For example, the existence of happiness relies on the fact that sadness exists. If we didn’t experience a spectrum of emotions, we would exist in constant indifference and numbness. As I often say to myself and clients, stress is a very healthy and natural part of our existence. It is the most organic warning sign that we can experience and thus it assists in our survival. It alerts us to what we should pay attention to. In other words, without it we could experience significant catastrophe. With it, we know what it feels like to experience the opposite of it (relaxation and grounding). It allows us that gift and if we can understand that, we can even build gratitude for it’s presence.
So if you were to consider your own existence, what would (or does) emotional regulation look like for you? Is it an existence without constant fear of physiological panic developing, a restful night sleep without the intrusion of trauma based nightmares, feeling like you can ground yourself in the simplicities of daily gratitude, or feeling like you can focus on a task list without being derailed for hours on end? Finding out what your answer is to that question is a wonderful practice and should yield various different results depending on your circumstances. Ultimately you want to process “what allows me to feel stable”. The answer to this is never a simple or definite response and it should be thought provoking. We need many strategies to assist ourselves for the complexities that we experience in our lives because what our reality is today can be vastly different from yesterday or tomorrow. But a potion of this process should include acknowledging the balance of our existence that allows us to have the good days when they develop.
Best Regards,
Amanda J. Nowak, LPC, LMHC
April 16, 2022
