A Perspective On “New Years Resolutions”…

A Letter From A Therapist: Issue 5

Another year has concluded and a new year has begun. Closure of a year in a life can absolutely provide a wonderful opportunity for reflection. With this also comes expectations and obligations that we develop what we consider “resolutions”. How many of us can honestly say that we have fulfilled resolutions that we’ve set? The emotional feeling of a fresh new start give us the confidence that we will be successful so we often aim high. But we don’t keep into account that the burdens of our life are still very much present. Therefore, simply putting up a new calendar and hoping that positive change comes our way doesn’t guarantee success. And without success, we are often left feeling guilty or ashamed that we did not achieve what we set out to.

So does this mean we shouldn’t put the burden of resolutions onto ourselves? Not necessarily, rather I think we should reflect on what can allow for consistent change and progress within ourselves. If you are an individual who relishes the idea of utilizing the new year to set a goal for yourself then by all means, progress forward. But please hesitate to set it under the guise of an obligation. Instead, review the sustainable aspect of what you want to achieve. What can you do everyday to move you closer little by little? Also consider the attainable aspect of the goal. Is what you’re trying to achieve healthy and realistic or is it too broad or overreaching? Let’s briefly consider these tools with the classic resolution of wanting to address fitness (the desire to lose excess weight, get back to the gym, eat healthier, etc.). These are very important goals and should be prioritized for some individuals, but in a way that doesn’t trigger distress in the changes or guilt in stagnation. They should be specific and ideally guided by a support network (i.e. a medical doctor who could offer feedback or resources or a wellness support group). I also pose a challenge to consider a resolution that you haven’t put forth in the past. It’s harsh to set the same objective year after year when an approach has been minimally successful. So think outside of the box! 

If resolutions and goals for change are not a priority at the start of the new year, then I encourage you to do a practice that is arguably even more important. We have minimal opportunities to track the passing of time as humans and we often feel the result of that when it seems as though we look up and years seem to have passed before our eyes. The new year is a rare moment when we do allow ourselves to briefly reflect simply due to the calendar resetting on January 1st. It’s been 365 days in the life since the last time we celebrated a new year. What has happened in those hours, days, weeks, and months? Make it a habit of exercising cognitive processing by remembering the last year in your life. Identify the grief, the loss, and the pain. And identify the moments that you were settled, or experienced happiness. You’re going into the next 365 days carrying every experience and will be adding so much more in a years time (both positive and negative). It would be aspirational to momentarily allow yourself the support of acknowledging what you’ve endured. 

Best Regards,

Amanda J. Nowak, LPC, LMHC

January 9, 2022