The Difficulties of Grief & Loss…
A Letter From A Therapist: Issue 11
It’s an unfortunate reality that grief and loss are central parts of the human condition. Many of us have had our share in experiencing loss in some shape or form. For some, the concept of death is an understandable part of the existential process. For others faith-based engagements help to conceptualize methods for acceptance and healing. There is no one true path for the experience of grief but if the impact of it is not effectively acknowledged and respected, it could significantly jeopardize the trajectory of one’s healing process.
The landscape of grief includes stages which are commonly discussed and referred to in the clinical field. There are six general stages of grief and loss that include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It is crucial that an individual going through loss considers how each of these stages present to them. Denial is frequently an initial stage following loss in which the individual cannot conceptualize a life without their loved one and might actually refuse to accept their absence. Bargaining is present when individuals attempt to delay or change the reality of their loss and can result in the understandable resistance of “moving on”. Anger and depression are relatively self-explanatory but can actually result in progressive mood difficulties that might warrant more extreme intervention. The clinical diagnosis of complicated grief disorder develops when the long-term impact of emotional reactivity is so severe that it influences and challenges one’s life necessities, roles, and relationships. Acceptance has it’s own significance and meaning for each individual person. It often reflects that the person can understand the role and impact of grief in their life, memorialize their lost loved one, and progress forward with intentions of honoring their experience. These stages are usually not linear and can shift back and forth depending on the effect the loss has had on various factors in one’s life.
Acceptance can take on many different appearances and can include healthy memorials and anniversaries in remembrance of the loved one who’s passed. It doesn’t have to be an exhaustive effort, but should consistently reflect of the impact the experience had on shifting and changing the trajectory of their life. Some healing tasks with grief include experiencing and acknowledging the pain that resulted from the loss in order to adjust to a new environment with the absence and reinvest in a new reality.
To assume that we naturally and organically have the best tools and strategies to adapt to these relational changes is unfair in many ways. More often than not grief can trigger an internal trauma response, particularly when we unexpectedly lose someone we were in close relation to. Sometimes the mind can heal and shift to prioritize self-care and adaptability whereas other times clinical intervention is warranted to assist in stabilization. Having an environment and space where supportive processing is allowed and encouraged at a pace that is comfortable for the surviving person can be a significant source of healing. Additionally, developing methods for existential reframing and redirection of a future concept of self can greatly assist progression forward. Therapeutic interventions such as cognitive behavioral methods for processing have been known to be empirically effective in these circumstances. Paying attention to how you or a loved one is coping with loss can help determine if an impartial and objective clinical provider could assist in their process. Please don’t hesitate to explore therapeutic resources if you or a loved one are struggling to navigate the grieving process - you don’t have to feel isolated or alone in it.
Best Regards,
Amanda J. Nowak, LPC, LMHC
July 14, 2023
